WHAT IF......

Preface: Let's get a few things out of the way, no I am not a writer I am a math and science major so please just close your eyes to the many grammatical errors that will be throughout this blog. It is inevitable just deal with it. Second this isn't to proclaim the things I'm doing but I was recently inspired by the book Kisses From Katie not only in my missionary life but in my everyday walk with God and if my small story helps another person experience what I did than my goal was met.

It is incredible once you realize how real God is and when you develop an unexplainable joy and love for him. When God opens your eyes and heart to his love you can't even describe the overwhelming feelings you have. That's my goal to get this unexplainable love so that I can love those who curse me and those who persecute me. That is my prayer for all of you as well. As you take this adventure with me I urge you to pray that God open your eyes and heart to experience His love you will never regret it. 

THE OVERWHELMING WHAT IF'S....

I leave for the trip of my dreams in 30 days and the one question I am getting the most is are you excited? I always answer yes I can't wait I have been dreaming about this since I got back 2 summers ago but reality hit last night. I was overwhelmed with the fact that in 30 days I will be getting on a plane by myself, have to navigate the Amsterdam airport by myself, travel through Kenya airport by myself and arrive in Uganda by myself. I think it is an understatement to say I freaked out.

I honestly had to fall on mu face in repentance for my lack of faith, my lack of trust in a God who created every star, a God who knows how many hair are on my head, a God who was the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. A guy once told me "Jaimie you don't know where you are going to be in 10 years or 5 years you just have to trust in The Lord and follow him" let me tell you about this guy his name was Herbert he was 20 and just got his leg amputated because he was battling bone cancer. I won't be able to thank Herbert for these lasting words when I go back to Uganda this time. The Lord used Herbert in incredible ways and I know he is in heaven laughing at me right now saying Jaimie don't worry trust The Lord your God.

I am trying I am praying for that unbelievable trust in God but for those who know me may already know that I tend to be a worry wart I always have been. I fill my head with what ifs and all these situations that could occur. They are the silliest and smallest things, like getting stopped at airport security! The thing that I have realized in the past 24 hours though is I believe in a real God a God that says fear not for I am with you be not dismayed for I am your God I will strengthen you I will help you I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10). This seems to have been my verse this year whenever my life seems to be falling apart and I forget where to turn God graciously reminds me He hasn't left and he never will. I won't be traveling to Uganda alone, I will have a real God strengthening me, helping me and upholding me in his hands the whole entire time. 

That was just the flying there part not the what are you doing with my life part, the I have 2 years of college yet, the I have way more in debt than I should part and if I go to Uganda WHAT IF you tell me to stay and I have to leave my comfort zone my friends my families. I have learned that it is so silly to even worry about those things. We aren't promised the future, we aren't promised tomorrow. We need to love today, to be a light in the dark today, to be the salt of the world today where you are. Now,  after these six weeks if God calls me to go back full time or long term in Uganda I will go. Will it be scary of course it will be! But to live is Christ, to die is gain. We are commanded various times through out scripture to take up our cross and follow. We are told to make disciple of all nations. I will learn from Jonah's mistakes and go when God says go! I will always stay if he says stay. 

So to answer your question yes I am excited. Yes, I am scared. Most importantly I am anxious,rejoicing, and dying with anticipation at what God is going to do this summer. There is one thing I know for sure. God's LOVE NEVER FAILS!